Tuesday, November 11, 2008

More and Less Freedom at the same time...

I love the above van and used to have it in model form. To me it always symbolized freedom. I always imagined traveling in it cross country with no regard to a clock. I'm kind of a free spirit who really has to work hard to have structure. Kind of a hippie at heart. (Don't tell my husband I wrote that, he's not so much a fan of hippies)  Most people would never guess that looking in from the outside because I really love lipstick and some other finer things. Speaking of lipstick makes me reflect on an experience.

{Image via Sundance Catalog}
In my younger years I went to a photo shoot for the Sundance catalog and they pretty much asked me to wipe off all of my lipstick because I wasn't fitting the "Sundance" mold.(ok they didn't actually say that)  As I left the photo shoot I somehow was left feeling like a ninny so of course I call the first person that always makes me feel better..Mom.  We sat and laughed @ the whole experience of me annoying the photographer. Moms have a way with helping you feel good enough and even better than good enough.  Fast forward to the point of life where I am now, about 9 years after the Sundance days and five kids in 2.5 years later.  When some people find out they look @ me like my crash course calling as Mom is like serving time in the big slammer.  The truth be known, in some ways I have never felt so much freedom.  I still day dream about taking off  with no ball and chains but also I've had enough experience to know that real happiness and freedom comes through serving and being molded, shaped and refined for a bigger purpose, none of which could come from living a life in a VW bus and always running from things that seem hard and restrictive.  Another thing that has been freeing is coming into my own and feeling more secure with myself. I still love my Mom to tell me that I am good enough but love that I don't need her to tell me as much.I guess you could say that a combination of finding myself and forgetting myself through this journey over the last 10 years is what has made me feel more freedom than I've ever felt.

Well there is actually one of my children who is reflecting on why he is actually experiencing less freedom.
Is there anything wrong with early snow board training?
I can't think of a better child to have to overcome a foot issue.  Out of all of my children he is the most determined thus far and that is why he is walking first despite his crooked foot.


Whitney said...

oh poor Christian. He seriously looks like he is a prisoner and that foot thing.

Debbie said...

It's usually the one that has the biggest challenges that comes out the strongest if they are just able to feel hopeful and encouraged that they can do it. Anyone can change their stars!! (Can you tell that I just got through watching A Knight's Tale!)
It is liberating to find that you determine what, who and how you feel about things despite what the world will tell you! Freedom has never come by running away, but by facing and meeting the challenges of life. Bravo to you for your understanding and embracing of that!

sherry said...

Oh, your kids are so cute. I am glad if it had to happen it happened to a child you felt could handle it. And I know a couple of kids who had to wear those that walk perfectly. I love your perspective on the whole thing. This sentence of yours,"I guess you could say that a combination of finding myself and forgetting myself through this journey over the last 10 years is what has made me feel more freedom than I've ever felt." pretty much sums up where you have to get in life as a mother to be happy. I am glad you have gotten there. Right now I think I am still working on it;)

Aimee's Family Journal said...

My little brother Jordna had to wear eye patches and have 3 eye surgerise from 4 years old to 11 years old. It was such a struggle to see him deal with that during his school years! I am so glad that they can help him so much, while he is young! What a great little sport he is!!

PS- I always thought you lipstick looked hot!

Aimee's Family Journal said...

Jordna? Surgerise? Come on Aimee!!

Annie said...

Oh Christian! What place you have to go. Soft spot in my heart...
I'm sure that was really liberating to write this blog post. I know that many days you don't feel that way but the journey is changing the frequency of times you feel grateful for your life. The Lord sure knows what we need individually. Thanks for sharing such a beautiful introspective post.

Courtney Vance said...

I can't really picture you as a hippie or without your lipstick.

Christian is just a little sweetheart. Looks like he'll be ready to hit the slopes with Dan in a few years.

I know everyone always says you are amazing for be a mother to you children but I think you are awesome Christina. I wish we could see you guys for Thanksgiving. I think we'll be down there just after Christmas though!

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